if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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