i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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