yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
