I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
