I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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