It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
a search helicopter?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
