Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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