I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
