I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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