dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
