His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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