nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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