lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
