If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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