And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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