like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
