I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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