I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize