all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
