my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
