Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
