We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
