Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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