Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
