Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
