Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
