I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
