She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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