I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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