He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
