He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
