hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
