I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
