You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
