I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize