Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
