This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
