If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
