It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
