We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
