Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
