12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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