he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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