hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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