Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
