haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
