I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
