You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
