life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
