I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
