I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
