how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
