He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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