You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
