Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
