I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
In America we eat man semen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
