So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize