i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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