i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
