I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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