Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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