Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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