I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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