I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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