Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
