Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She said her name was "party"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
