Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
