i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
