ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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